I am Jared… and Jared means… me.

Wow, has it been this long?

Yes, it has.

Our baby boy is almost 3 now (and still the most amazing person I have ever known), we have moved to a new town, and we have had many great experiences this past year.

 

My success in following my scheduled goals took a turn into a downward spiral after a week vacation with my side of our family at the lake… Vacations are probably a good measure of my mind and body control and how committed I am to staying on schedule with these goals…

Many attempts have been made since then to reclaim my status of AWAKENED! Yet my body again took the reins for a time through busy busy days and nights and eventually just resigning to the call to relax and be easy on myself which has only turned into depression and self loathing because of the lack of energy of body and brain and spirit…

Sick and tired… Anyone ever said this phrase or heard someone say it? I am sick and tired of …

My Body is literally sick from my lack of caring for it, from over eating, from under eating, eating only sweets all day long, drinking lemonade and tea all day long, not exercising EVER, staying up LATE, waking up LATE, instead of reading watching a movie or playing a game, going and finding a chair to sit on instead of standing and working on something…etc

My Spirit is literally tired from exactly the same things only spiritually… lack of caring for it, from OVER eating (spiritual knowledge, experiences…), from UNDER eating (spiritual knowledge, experiences…) waking up late, going to sleep late, instead of studying scriptures or gospel topics watching a movie or playing a game, going and finding a chair to sit in instead of standing and working FOR someone…etc

I know I sound really down on myself right now but I am right now declaring that I love myself and that is why I am working right now to do better.

My whole life (since I can remember) I have been on a quest of Mastery of my Mind and Body… Self Mastery.

I have studied, researched, and experimented quite a bit on this subject in the last year. And at this time in my life I have a few things to report.

My future posts will definitely be toned down from absolute perfection to a realistic increase and a more even and loving (forgiving) balance of where I am and where I want to be…who I am and who I want to become.

 

I am Jared… and Jared means… me.

Adam. Awake! And Arise!

  I took this picture this morning leaving the Provo Temple. I will leave all symbolism and interpretation to your own heart and mind. It was a beautiful and personal experience for me, though I felt I should share. If you feel the desire to share your thoughts, please feel free to comment. (Even if it’s 2055 +)
 
  General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints seemed extra special this April. 
  
  Elder Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, gave the first talk (after our beloved Prophet President Thomas S. Monson opened the Conference). He shared some stories of experiences he’s had with children from all around the world. I will never forget the vision of him with his arms held out to the starving child eyeing the Sacrament bread.

“Some years later in Cusco, a city high in the Andes of Peru, Elder A. Theodore Tuttle and I held a sacrament meeting in a long, narrow room that opened onto the street. It was night, and while Elder Tuttle spoke, a little boy, perhaps six years old, appeared in the doorway. He wore only a ragged shirt that went about to his knees.
On our left was a small table with a plate of bread for the sacrament.  

This starving street orphan saw the bread and inched slowly along the wall toward it. He was almost to the table when a woman on the aisle saw him. With a stern toss of her head, she banished him out into the night. I groaned within myself. 

Later the little boy returned. He slid along the wall, glancing from the bread to me. When he was near the point where the woman would see him again, I held out my arms, and he came running to me. I held him on my lap. 

Then, as something symbolic, I set him on Elder Tuttle’s chair. After the closing prayer the hungry little boy darted out into the night. 

When I returned home, I told President Spencer W. Kimball about my experience. He was deeply moved and told me, “You were holding a nation on your lap.” He said to me more than once, “That experience has far greater meaning than you have yet come to know.” 

As I have visited Latin American countries nearly 100 times, I have looked for that little boy in the faces of the people."

  This whole talk was was a light and a revelation to me. It started my Conference weekend with a burning spirit of love in my heart. If you feel interested make sure you follow those feelings and go read, listen, or watch here: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/and-a-little-child-shall-lead-them?lang=eng 
 
  Here are a few more highlights from my weekend of Conference:

Richard C. Edgley Recently Released First Counselor in the Presiding Bishopric Priesthood Session

“One Sunday morning some 30 years ago, while I was serving in a stake presidency, we received a telephone call from one of our faithful bishops. He explained that his ward had grown so rapidly that he could no longer provide a meaningful calling to all worthy members. His plea to us was that we divide the ward. While waiting for such approval, we decided as a stake presidency that we would visit the ward and call all these wonderful, worthy brothers and sisters to be stake missionaries. 

About the third person I visited was a young female student attending the local university. After chatting for a few moments, I issued the call to serve as a missionary. There was silence for a few moments. Then she said, “President, don’t you know that I am not active in the Church?” 

After a few moments of silence on my part, I said, “No, I did not know you were not active.” 

She answered, “I have not been active in the Church for years.” Then she said, “Don’t you know that when you have been inactive, it’s not all that easy to come back?” 

I responded, “No. Your ward starts at 9:00 a.m. You come into the chapel, and you are with us.” 

She answered, “No, it is not that easy. You worry about a lot of things. You worry if someone will greet you or if you will sit alone and unnoticed during the meetings. And you worry about whether you will be accepted and who your new friends will be.” 

With tears rolling down her cheeks, she continued, “I know that my mother and father have been praying for me for years to bring me back into the Church.” Then after a moment of silence, she said, “For the last three months I have been praying to find the courage, the strength, and the way to come back into activity.” Then she asked, “President, do you suppose this calling could be an answer to those prayers?” 

My eyes started to water as I responded, “I believe the Lord has answered your prayers.” 

She not only accepted the call; she became a fine missionary. And I’m certain she brought much joy not only to herself but also to her parents and probably other family members. 

There were several things I learned or was reminded of with this and similar interviews:
   

I learned that many less-active members have loved ones on their knees daily petitioning the Lord for help in rescuing their loved one.
   

I learned that it is not all that easy or comfortable for a less-active member to just walk back into the Church. They need help. They need support. They need fellowship.
   

I learned we have less-active members who are trying and willing to find the path back to activity.
   

I learned that many less-active members will hold callings if asked.
   

I learned that a less-active member deserves to be treated as an equal and be viewed as a son or daughter of a loving God. 

Over the years I have wondered how this interview might have gone had I approached her as a less-active Church member. I leave you to be the judge.”

Dieter F. Uchtdorf  Second Councilor in the First Presidency  Priesthood Session

“My dear brethren, divine blessings for priesthood service are activated by our diligent efforts, our willingness to sacrifice, and our desire to do what is right. Let us be the ones to act and not be acted upon. Preaching is fine, but sermons that do not lead to action are like fires without heat or water that cannot quench thirst. 

It is in the application of doctrine that the purifying flame of the gospel grows and the power of the priesthood ignites our souls. 

Thomas Edison, the man who bathed the world in glowing electric light, said that “the value of an idea lies in the using of it.” In a similar way, gospel doctrine becomes more precious when it is put to use. 

We must not allow the doctrines of the priesthood to lie dormant in our hearts and unapplied in our lives. If there is a marriage or family in need of rescue—perhaps even our own—let’s not just wait and see.  

Rather, let us thank God for the plan of happiness that includes faith, repentance, forgiveness, and new beginnings. Applying priesthood doctrine will qualify us as husbands, as fathers, as sons who understand the why of the priesthood and its power to recapture and secure the beauty and holiness of eternal families. 

General conference is always a good time for both hearing and doing. Therefore, let us “be … doers of the word, and not hearers only.” Brethren, I invite you to consider the words spoken by the servants of God this weekend. Then get on your knees. Ask God, our Heavenly Father, to enlighten your mind and touch your heart. Plead with God for guidance in your daily lives, in your Church responsibilities, and in your specific challenges at this time. Follow the promptings of the Spirit—do not delay. If you do all this, I promise that the Lord will not leave you to walk alone.
 
We know that despite our best intentions, things do not always go according to plan. We make mistakes in life and in our priesthood service. Occasionally we stumble and fall short. 

When the Lord advises us to “continue in patience until [we] are perfected,” He is acknowledging that it takes time and perseverance. Understanding the why of the gospel and the why of the priesthood will help us to see the divine purpose of all of this. It will give us motivation and strength to do the right things, even when they are hard. Staying focused on the basic principles of gospel living will bless us with clarity, wisdom, and direction. 

“Shall we not go on in so great a cause?” Yes, brethren, we will!
Guided by the Holy Spirit, we will learn from our mistakes. If we stumble, we will rise. If we falter, we will go on. We will never waver; we will never give up. 

As a mighty brotherhood of the everlasting priesthood of God, we will stand together, shoulder to shoulder, focused on the principles of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and gratefully serving our God and fellowman with dedication and love. 

 My dear brethren, I testify to you this day that God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, live. They are real! They are there!

You are not alone. Your Father in Heaven cares about you and desires to bless and uphold you in righteousness.
Be assured that God speaks to mankind in our time. He will speak to you! 

The Prophet Joseph Smith saw what he said he saw. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is restored to earth by the power and authority of Almighty God. 

My prayer is that as bearers of His priesthood, we will ever stay attuned to the why of priesthood service and use the principles of the restored gospel to transform our lives and the lives of those whom we serve. 

As we do so, the infinite power of the Atonement will purify, cleanse, and refine our spirits and characters until we become the men we are meant to become. Of this I testify in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.”

Henry B Eyring  First Counselor in the First Presidency  Priesthood Session

“Let me suggest four things you can do as a priesthood father to lift and lead your family home again to be with Heavenly Father and the Savior. 

First, gain and keep a sure witness that the keys of the priesthood are with us and held by the President of the Church. Pray for that every day. The answer will come with an increase in determination to lead your family, in your feelings of hope, and with greater happiness in your service. You will be more cheerful and optimistic, a great blessing for your wife and family.T 

he second imperative is to love your wife. It will take faith and humility to put her interests above your own in the struggles of life. You have the responsibility to provide for and to nurture the family with her while serving others. That can at times consume all the energy and strength you have. Age and illness may increase your wife’s needs. If you choose even then to put her happiness above your own, I promise you that your love for her will increase. 

Third, enlist the entire family to love each other. President Ezra Taft Benson taught: 

“In an eternal sense, salvation is a family affair. … 

“Above all else, children need to know and feel they are loved, wanted, and appreciated. They need to be assured of that often. Obviously, this is a role parents should fill, and most often the mother can do it best.” 

But another crucial source for that feeling of being loved is love from other children in the family. Consistent care of brothers and sisters for each other will come only with persistent effort by parents and the help of God. You know that is true from experience in your own families. And it is confirmed each time you read of the family conflicts faced by righteous Lehi and his wife, Sariah, in the Book of Mormon record. 

The successes they won provide a guide for us. They taught the gospel of Jesus Christ so well and so persistently that children and even some descendants over generations had hearts softened toward God and toward each other. For instance, Nephi and others wrote and reached out to family members who had been their enemies. The Spirit at times softened the hearts of thousands and replaced hatred with love. 

One way for you to reproduce the successes of Father Lehi is by the way you lead family prayers and family time, such as family home evenings. Give children opportunities to pray, when they can pray, for each other in the circle who need blessings. Discern quickly the beginnings of discord and recognize acts of unselfish service, especially to each other. When they pray for each other and serve each other, hearts will be softened and turned to each other and to their parents. 

The fourth opportunity to lead your family in the Lord’s way comes when discipline is needed. We can meet our obligation to correct in the Lord’s way and then lead our children toward eternal life. 

You will remember the words, but you may not have seen their power for a Melchizedek Priesthood holder preparing his family for living in the same sociality that they will have in the celestial kingdom. You remember the words. They are so familiar: 

“No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; 

“By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile— 

“Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; 

“That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.” 

And later the promise comes of great worth for us as fathers in Zion:  

“The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.” 

That is a high standard for us, but when we with faith control our tempers and subdue our pride, the Holy Ghost gives His approval, and sacred promises and covenants become sure. 

You will succeed through your faith that the Lord sent back the keys of the priesthood, which are still with us—with a sure bond of love with your wife, with the Lord’s help in turning the hearts of your children to each other and to their parents, and with love guiding you to correct and exhort in a way that invites the Spirit. 

I know that Jesus is the Christ and is our Savior. I testify that President Thomas S. Monson holds and exercises all the keys of the priesthood on the earth today. I love and sustain him. I love and pray for you. In the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.”

President Uchtdorf  Sunday Morning Session

“Strained and broken relationships are as old as humankind itself. Ancient Cain was the first who allowed the cancer of bitterness and malice to canker his heart. He tilled the ground of his soul with envy and hatred and allowed these feelings to ripen until he did the unthinkable—murdering his own brother and becoming, in the process, the father of Satan’s lies. 

Since those first days the spirit of envy and hatred has led to some of the most tragic stories in history. It turned Saul against David, the sons of Jacob against their brother Joseph, Laman and Lemuel against Nephi, and Amalickiah against Moroni. 

I imagine that every person on earth has been affected in some way by the destructive spirit of contention, resentment, and revenge. 

Perhaps there are even times when we recognize this spirit in ourselves. When we feel hurt, angry, or envious, it is quite easy to judge other people, often assigning dark motives to their actions in order to justify our own feelings of resentment. 

 Of course, we know this is wrong. The doctrine is clear. We all depend on the Savior; none of us can be saved without Him. Christ’s Atonement is infinite and eternal. Forgiveness for our sins comes with conditions. We must repent, and we must be willing to forgive others. Jesus taught: “Forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not … [stands] condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin” and “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.”

Of course, these words seem perfectly reasonable—when applied to someone else. We can so clearly and easily see the harmful results that come when others judge and hold grudges. And we certainly don’t like it when people judge us. 

But when it comes to our own prejudices and grievances, we too often justify our anger as righteous and our judgment as reliable and only appropriate. Though we cannot look into another’s heart, we assume that we know a bad motive or even a bad person when we see one. We make exceptions when it comes to our own bitterness because we feel that, in our case, we have all the information we need to hold someone else in contempt. 

The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Romans, said that those who pass judgment on others are “inexcusable.” The moment we judge someone else, he explained, we condemn ourselves, for none is without sin. Refusing to forgive is a grievous sin—one the Savior warned against. Jesus’s own disciples had “sought occasion against [each other] and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were afflicted and sorely chastened.” 

Our Savior has spoken so clearly on this subject that there is little room for private interpretation. “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive,” but then He said, “… of you it is required to forgive all men.” 

May I add a footnote here? When the Lord requires that we forgive all men, that includes forgiving ourselves. Sometimes, of all the people in the world, the one who is the hardest to forgive—as well as perhaps the one who is most in need of our forgiveness—is the person looking back at us in the mirror.
  

This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it! 

It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. 

I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.” 

We must recognize that we are all imperfect—that we are beggars before God. Haven’t we all, at one time or another, meekly approached the mercy seat and pleaded for grace? Haven’t we wished with all the energy of our souls for mercy—to be forgiven for the mistakes we have made and the sins we have committed?

Because we all depend on the mercy of God, how can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven?”

Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles Sunday Morning Session

“Our Heavenly Father loves His children. He has blessed each with physical and spiritual gifts. Let me speak of each type. When you sing “I Am a Child of God,” think of His gift to you of your own physical body. The many amazing attributes of your body attest to your own “divine nature.”

Each organ of your body is a wondrous gift from God. Each eye has an autofocusing lens. Nerves and muscles control two eyes to make a single three-dimensional image. The eyes are connected to the brain, which records the sights seen. 

Your heart is an incredible pump. It has four delicate valves that control the direction of blood flow. These valves open and close more than 100,000 times a day—36 million times a year. Yet, unless altered by disease, they are able to withstand such stress almost indefinitely. 

Think of the body’s defense system. To protect it from harm, it perceives pain. In response to infection, it generates antibodies. The skin provides protection. It warns against injury that excessive heat or cold might cause. 

The body renews its own outdated cells and regulates the levels of its own vital ingredients. The body heals its cuts, bruises, and broken bones. Its capacity for reproduction is another sacred gift from God.
Be we reminded that a perfect body is not required to achieve one’s divine destiny. In fact, some of the sweetest spirits are housed in frail or imperfect bodies. Great spiritual strength is often developed by people with physical challenges, precisely because they are so challenged. 

Anyone who studies the workings of the human body has surely “seen God moving in his majesty and power.” Because the body is governed by divine law, any healing comes by obedience to the law upon which that blessing is predicated. 

Yet some people erroneously think that these marvelous physical attributes happened by chance or resulted from a big bang somewhere. Ask yourself, “Could an explosion in a printing shop produce a dictionary?” The likelihood is most remote. But if so, it could never heal its own torn pages or reproduce its own newer editions! 

If the body’s capacity for normal function, defense, repair, regulation, and regeneration were to prevail without limit, life here would continue in perpetuity. Yes, we would be stranded here on earth! Mercifully for us, our Creator provided for aging and other processes that would ultimately result in our physical death. Death, like birth, is part of life. Scripture teaches that “it was not expedient that man should be reclaimed from this temporal death, for that would destroy the great plan of happiness.” To return to God through the gateway we call death is a joy for those who love Him and are prepared to meet Him. Eventually the time will come when each “spirit and … body shall be reunited again in … perfect form; both limb and joint shall be restored to its proper frame,” never to be separated again. For these physical gifts, thanks be to God!”

Ronald A. Rasband Of the Presidency of the Seventy Sunday Morning Session

“Trusting in God’s will is central to our mortality. With faith in Him, we draw upon the power of Christ’s Atonement at those times when questions abound and answers are few. 

After His Resurrection, when visiting the Americas, our Savior, Jesus Christ, reached out to all with this invitation: 

“Have ye any that are sick among you? Bring them hither. Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or maimed, or leprous, or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them, for I have compassion upon you; my bowels are filled with mercy. … 

“And it came to pass that when he had thus spoken, all the multitude, with one accord, did go forth with their sick and their afflicted, and their lame, and with their blind, and with their dumb, and with all them that were afflicted in any manner; and he did heal them every one as they were brought forth unto him.” 

Great strength can be found in the words “all the multitude … did go forth”—all, brothers and sisters. We all face challenges. And then the phrase: “that were afflicted in any manner.” All of us can identify, can’t we? 

Shortly after precious Paxton was born, we knew Heavenly Father would bless us and teach us special lessons. As his father and I put our fingers on his tiny head in the first of many priesthood blessings, the words came into my mind from the ninth chapter of John: “that the works of God should be made manifest in him.” 

God’s works are definitely being made manifest through Paxton.
We are learning patience, faith, and gratitude through the balm of service, endless hours of intense emotions, tears of empathy, and the prayers and expressions of love for dear ones in need, especially Paxton and his parents. 

President James E. Faust, my boyhood stake president, said: “I have a great appreciation for those loving parents who stoically bear and overcome their anguish and heartbreak for a child who was born with or who has developed a serious mental or physical infirmity. This anguish often continues every day, without relief, during the lifetime of the parent or the child. Not infrequently, parents are required to give superhuman nurturing care that never ceases, day or night. Many a mother’s arms and heart have ached years on end, giving comfort and relieving the suffering of her special child.” 

As described in Mosiah, we have witnessed the Savior’s pure love given to Paxton’s family, which love is available to all: “And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.” 

One night early in Paxton’s life, we were in the neonatal intensive care unit of the wonderful Primary Children’s Medical Center in Salt Lake City, Utah, marveling at the dedicated, undivided attention given by the doctors, nurses, and caregivers. I asked my daughter how we would ever pay for this and ventured a guess at what the cost would be. A doctor standing nearby suggested that I was “way low” and that little Paxton’s care would cost substantially more than I had estimated. We learned that much of the expense for care given in this hospital is covered by the generous gifts of time and monetary contributions of others. His words humbled me as I thought of the worth of this tiny little soul to those who were so carefully watching over him. 

I was reminded of a familiar missionary scripture that took on new meaning: “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.”   

I wept as I pondered the limitless love our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, have for each one of us, while learning in a powerful way what the worth of a soul is, both physically and spiritually, to God. 

Paxton’s family has learned they are surrounded by countless heavenly and earthly ministering angels. Some have quietly slipped in when needed and silently slipped out. Others have been at the door with food, doing the laundry, picking up the siblings, calling with encouragement, and especially praying for Paxton. Thus another special lesson learned: If you come upon a person who is drowning, would you ask if they need help—or would it be better to just jump in and save them from the deepening waters? The offer, while well meaning and often given, “Let me know if I can help” is really no help at all.”

Our Prophet Thomas S. Monson  Sunday Morning Session

“Said the Savior: 

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: 

“But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: 

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” 

In our times of deepest reflection or greatest need, the soul of man reaches heavenward, seeking a divine response to life’s greatest questions: Where did we come from? Why are we here? Where do we go after we leave this life? 

Answers to these questions are not discovered within the covers of academia’s textbooks or by checking the Internet. These questions transcend mortality. They embrace eternity. 

Where did we come from? This query is inevitably thought, if not spoken, by every human being. 

The Apostle Paul told the Athenians on Mars’ Hill that “we are the offspring of God.” Since we know that our physical bodies are the offspring of our mortal parents, we must probe for the meaning of Paul’s statement. The Lord has declared that “the spirit and the body are the soul of man.” Thus it is the spirit which is the offspring of God. The writer of Hebrews refers to Him as “the Father of spirits.” The spirits of all men are literally His “begotten sons and daughters.” 

We note that inspired poets have, for our contemplation of this subject, written moving messages and recorded transcendent thoughts. William Wordsworth penned the truth:

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The soul that rises with us, our life’s Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home:
Heaven lies about us in our infancy!

Parents ponder their responsibility to teach, to inspire, and to provide guidance, direction, and example. And while parents ponder, children—and particularly youth—ask the penetrating question, why are we here? Usually it is spoken silently to the soul and phrased, why am I here?”…
 
…”Clearly, one primary purpose of our existence upon the earth is to obtain a body of flesh and bones. We have also been given the gift of agency. In a thousand ways we are privileged to choose for ourselves. Here we learn from the hard taskmaster of experience. We discern between good and evil. We differentiate as to the bitter and the sweet. We discover that there are consequences attached to our actions.”…
 
…”At some period in our mortal mission, there appears the faltering step, the wan smile, the pain of sickness—even the fading of summer, the approach of autumn, the chill of winter, and the experience we call death.

Every thoughtful person has asked himself the question best phrased by Job of old: “If a man die, shall he live again?” Try as we might to put the question out of our thoughts, it always returns. Death comes to all mankind. It comes to the aged as they walk on faltering feet. Its summons is heard by those who have scarcely reached midway in life’s journey. At times it hushes the laughter of little children. 

But what of an existence beyond death? Is death the end of all? 

Robert Blatchford, in his book God and My Neighbor, attacked with vigor accepted Christian beliefs such as God, Christ, prayer, and particularly immortality. He boldly asserted that death was the end of our existence and that no one could prove otherwise. Then a surprising thing happened. His wall of skepticism suddenly crumbled to dust. He was left exposed and undefended. Slowly he began to feel his way back to the faith he had ridiculed and abandoned. What had caused this profound change in his outlook? His wife died. With a broken heart he went into the room where lay all that was mortal of her. He looked again at the face he loved so well. Coming out, he said to a friend: “It is she, and yet it is not she. Everything is changed. Something that was there before is taken away. She is not the same. What can be gone if it be not the soul?” 

Later he wrote: “Death is not what some people imagine. It is only like going into another room. In that other room we shall find … the dear women and men and the sweet children we have loved and lost.” 

My brothers and sisters, we know that death is not the end. This truth has been taught by living prophets throughout the ages. It is also found in our holy scriptures. In the Book of Mormon we read specific and comforting words: 

“Now, concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life. 

“And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.” 

After the Savior was crucified and His body had lain in the tomb for three days, the spirit again entered. The stone was rolled away, and the resurrected Redeemer walked forth, clothed with an immortal body of flesh and bones. 

The answer to Job’s question, “If a man die, shall he live again?” came when Mary and others approached the tomb and saw two men in shining garments who spoke to them: “Why seek ye the living among the dead? He is not here, but is risen.” 

As the result of Christ’s victory over the grave, we shall all be resurrected. This is the redemption of the soul. Paul wrote: “There are … celestial bodies, and bodies terrestrial: but the glory of the celestial is one, and the glory of the terrestrial is another.” 

It is the celestial glory which we seek. It is in the presence of God we desire to dwell. It is a forever family in which we want membership. Such blessings are earned through a lifetime of striving, seeking, repenting, and finally succeeding. 

Where did we come from? Why are we here? Where do we go after this life? No longer need these universal questions remain unanswered. From the very depths of my soul and in all humility, I testify that those things of which I have spoken are true. 

Our Heavenly Father rejoices for those who keep His commandments. He is concerned also for the lost child, the tardy teenager, the wayward youth, the delinquent parent. Tenderly the Master speaks to these and indeed to all: “Come back. Come up. Come in. Come home. Come unto me.” 

In one week we will celebrate Easter. Our thoughts will turn to the Savior’s life, His death, and His Resurrection. As His special witness, I testify to you that He lives and that He awaits our triumphant return. That such a return will be ours, I pray humbly in His holy name—even Jesus Christ, our Savior and our Redeemer, amen.”

  
  These are just a few key words for me this weekend. Although I was serving up BBQ on Saturday afternoon and we had the special gift of going to the Sunday morning session and honestly we were drained from that experience so when we got home we took a nap and slept right through the last session!
  So I have 2 more amazing sessions to watch and listen to!
  
  I’m also very grateful for the music and songs that were sung this weekend, it was really touching and nice. I especially like when the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sings primary songs. Here was one of my favorites of the weekend (I was very blessed to be there live): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9brX3hSC_s (If you’re like me and can’t watch people sing…just listen. And don’t miss Tyler’s story!)
 
  
  This Conference for me was much needed. I have been in need of some rejuvenation, and listening to my Savior’s messengers this weekend has been very nice like a giant hug from Heavenly Father. I know that Heavenly Father is alive and real. I feel His spirit all the time hugging me, inspiring me, chastising me, beckoning me, teaching me, helping me, crying with me, and smiling with me. I know I am His spiritual offspring and that He is concerned and engaged in my everyday life. I know that He is faithful and working for our happiness and blesses us every chance that we let Him. I know we can speak to Him and He will answer.
 
  I know He loves me and I know He loves YOU

Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing…

  Okay, I ‘m catching up on the last few weeks now. These last few weeks has been full of challenges, and also great rewards.
  I caught a cold and was down and out for a few days. I was asked to speak in our Sacrament meeting (church service). Elliot was sick for a while, then Joni caught it too as that cold wandered through our home. One huge blessing I feel from practicing this plan of NOW is that when I don’t accomplish my goal completely, even though I feel a little disappointment in myself, I am still awaking pretty early, studying the Book of Mormon every morning, and drinking a lot of water.
  How awesome is that?
  I can still be happy with myself and have compassion for myself at the same time that I am being stern and reproving myself with sharpness to do better right NOW.

In Bed             10:30 – 1:00  (avg 11:30)
Awake              6:15 – 9:00  (avg 7:10)
Morning Gospel Study    25 min
Exercise        17 min (dumbbells + walk/run)
Water                            3 Glasses


  I was asked to speak in church about having the Holy Spirit with us, and keeping the Spirit with us. I was really scared and nervous to speak in front of so many people (so many = more than 1 or 2), and so many people that know so much more than me on any Spiritual subject. I labored for a few weeks with all the energy I had, for knowledge and guidance to speak on this subject. I wrote a hand full of talks and had twice as many ideas for talks.
  On the Sabbath day that I spoke, I left all my notes and talks and things at home and decided to put my trust in the Lord and pray for the Spirit to speak. After my sweet Mother spoke, we sang a song, and I stood up to the pulpit to talk. I felt very calm and looked out at all the people in my ward (members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in my neighborhood), I saw dear friends and people I truly look up to, and really good people that have always been so kind to me and my family. I felt all my fears leave, I felt love enter my heart, words came to me, and I spoke.
  I am so grateful for the love Heavenly Father has for us all. His wisdom is endless! We always hear people speaking or teaching a lesson say that the experience of studying for the assignment has taught them more than they could ever teach from giving the talk or lesson. THIS IS TRUTH! I think in His wisdom, He calls on everyone one at a time to study and learn and to seek after truth given by the Holy Spirit. Therein strengthening our testimonies and love for one another, learning the doctrine of His gospel from Him personally.
  I’m so grateful to have been taught a path to know for certain for ourselves, individually the truth of anything we truly desire to know. The Book of Mormon has taught me this path over and over it is talked about in the Bible and in the Book of Mormon. Moroni 10:3-5. Look it up again. Ponder how merciful the Lord has been from Adam all the way through all the history of the Earth until right now, how he has been merciful to you in your own life. If you are grateful and feel the love of the Savior as you ponder, that is the Holy Spirit speaking love and peace to your heart and mind. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of truth! And by the Holy Ghost you may know the truth of all things.  And from the Bible: James 1:5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
  The main experience I spoke about, in church, happened when I was in the temple earlier that week…
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
  In answer to my prayers, these words came to me as I was sitting in the chapel of the temple. I thought, “What a great scripture to ponder!” and thanked the Lord for this idea, then asked Him to help me expand this thought. I thought, “Okay, let's say this temple that I am sitting in right now is my body. 
The first thing that came to my mind was that everything is bright and clean and healthy. There are many people that serve the Lord by keeping the temples clean.
I then thought of the outside of the temple, it is always very clean and tidy and the inner parts of the temple are not revealed from the outside. It is a very modest house.
In order to enter the temple we need a temple recommend. This question came to my mind, “Do my thoughts need a temple recommend? Or do I allow any thought that comes into my mind to stay and go as it pleases?”
I thought of the baptisms we do for our ancestors and friends. Do I forgive everyone and see everyone as children of God and my literal brothers and sisters? Do I try to help lift there burdens? Do I see the beautiful and good things in them?
Do I have the covenants that the Lord has given to me in constant remembrance, like a song being sung inside of me throughout everyday?
Am I continually pondering the words of life?
Am I always praying?
Am I always holding my wife's hand?
Do I have a celestial room that is bright and pure and quiet? A peaceful place where I can hear and feel the whisperings of the Spirit?
Am I being found true and faithful to the light and knowledge and covenants I have been given?
Am I receiving errands and commandments to accomplish from Heavenly Father everyday?
Do I report back each night having accomplished everything I have been asked to do?
Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?
Does the Spirit of God dwell within me?
Are there places in my temple that the Spirit would be offended by?
These thoughts went on and on as I served in the temple that day. It seems like these symbols could be endless.
  I spoke of other things also, but I wanted to write about this experience.
  This experience has been a light added upon all these promptings I have been given to improve my life NOW. It has helped me to spread out and improve on every aspect of my life and to do a little more. It has especially brought me a greater sense of gratitude and love for my sweetheart. And for our amazing boy. It has also helped solidify my faith in “laying my treasures up in heaven” and trying to purge my life of selfish passions and desires. It has helped me to look upon life as an opportunity to be of service to my fellow brothers and sisters. It is helping me to hold an eternal perspective. I will work to keep it.
 
Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God; D&C 88:119
 
  I am taking this scripture literally since we are the temple of the Holy Ghost. This awakening has started me on this course of cleansing my inner vessel in trying to establish my body as a house of God. I will continue the trek.
  Joni and I (and Eli) have started on this journey to establish our own house too. We have been cleaning 1 area of our house at a time and organizing things so that our house is not a mess and so that it’s easier to clean when it does get messy. I have seen Joni smile a lot more and this makes me very happy. It feels nice to have a clean home.

Behold, mine house is a house of order, saith the Lord God, and not a house of confusion. D&C 132:8

  I am nowhere near perfect, but I believe that because of the Savior’s sacrifice I can be. I have to work and serve without delay. There is much love to be claimed right now!
   AWAKE!   ARISE!

…Loose him, and let him go.

  This past week has been ROUGH!   Lots of busy days ended up being late nights.
  I’ve read my last post a few times during the week to remember to treat myself good and to continue with hope to live a little better than the day before.

                            (highs + lows)
In Bed                    10:30  2:15
Awake                    6:15   7:29
Gospel Study         30min
Exercise                25min (1 mile)
Nutrition               2-3 good meals   
                              4 glasses water  
  

  Wednesday mornings have become my solo temple time.  This was inspired by my good friend Kevin Flanagan telling me about his Tuesday morning temple sessions for the last 5 years!  This last week, after changing into my temple whites, I reached into my suit pocket and pulled out a name card of one of my male ancestors out of the huge stack I have.  After reading the name I pulled out (randomly), I instantly felt Heavenly Father’s love.  The name was the same name as a person that I had been angry with for a few years and never really let it go... 

“With variations of characters and circumstances that story could be repeated many times over in our own day. How difficult it is for any of us to forgive those who have injured us. We are all prone to brood on the evil done us. That brooding becomes as a gnawing and destructive canker. Is there a virtue more in need of application in our time than the virtue of forgiving and forgetting? There are those who would look upon this as a sign of weakness. Is it?

I submit that it takes neither strength nor intelligence to brood in anger over wrongs suffered, to go through life with a spirit of vindictiveness, to dissipate one’s abilities in planning retribution. There is no peace in the nursing of a grudge. There is no happiness in living for the day when you can “get even.”

…“Father, … forgive our debts, as we forgive our debtors”( Matt. 6:9, 12).

…“To err is human, to forgive divine.” (Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism, 2:1711). There is no peace in harboring old grudges. There is no peace in reflecting on the pain of old wounds. There is peace only in repentance and forgiveness. This is the sweet peace of the Christ, who said, “Blessed are the peacemakers; for they shall be called the children of God” (Matt. 5:7). Of that I testify in the holy name of Jesus Christ, amen.” (GORDON B. HINCKLEY “Of You It Is Required to Forgive” Nov 1980 Ensign)

  For a while now I have been pressed by the Spirit to just let this go and forgive. I kind of thought that I already had… But the feeling I have felt, is that I need to write a letter to this person. So for the the past few months I have thought about what I would say.  Most times my ideas would lead to “getting even” or casting judgment. I don’t want to be like that. I want to be a good man, and a disciple of my Savior who has forgiven me for countless things.

  So many talks and scriptures lately have spoken to me about this. At our last Stake Conference, Pres. Warnick talked about forgiving. He challenged us to forgive anyone that we are holding animosity towards or holding a grudge against for something they may have said or done, to you or to someone you love. He gave an analogy of when the Savior raised his friend Lazarus from the dead…

  Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid. And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me.

   And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me.

  And when he thus had spoken, he cried with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth.

  And he that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with grave clothes: and his face was bound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go.

  …He said that we need to let the Savior forgive, and unloose those who have wronged us, and let them go. To unloose our grudges and ill feelings and anger we have towards anyone, and let them go.

  I love this analogy. And I want to obey and I want to be forgiven.

  That morning at the temple when I read that name, I instantly felt Heavenly Father’s love for me. I also instantly felt his love for this person and opened my heart to see them in a whole different light. I felt humbled and very grateful.

  So last night, I sat down and wrote a long letter. I really hope and pray that they take it in the light that it was written. I am grateful to this person for a lot of reasons, and I’m concentrating on those things and the special feelings and light the Lord gave to me at the temple, when I think of them from now on.

 

  

 

Realistically

  This week has been really good and has taught me a handful of lessons. 
  One lesson it has taught me is that I know I can do this!  One big reason that I know I can do this is that I am looking forward to my mornings everyday.
Here are my “week 1” results:

In Bed               10:30 - 11:15 average

Awake                7:35 - down to 6:59

Gospel Study     25 min

Exercise            15 min

Nutrition           2 good meals

                              3 1/2 glasses of water

“And it came to pass that the servant said unto his master: Is it not the loftiness of thy vineyard—have not the branches thereof overcome the roots which are good? And because the branches have overcome the roots thereof, behold they grew faster than the strength of the roots, taking strength unto themselves. Behold, I say, is not this the cause that the trees of thy vineyard have become corrupted?” Jacob 5:38

  Acting on the wisdom of this scripture from the Book of Mormon and from my own personal experiences, I am working towards my goal slowly, methodically, and with effort. Though I am also being REALISTIC because I want these roots to be strong.
  Being unrealistic about accomplishing goals has been a stumbling block for me in the past. I have expected amazing results from myself and have been disappointed in myself for not accomplishing them. I believe this is wrong and I have been working on stopping this abusive cycle. I really feel like we need to be kind to ourselves, give ourselves a break, and have compassion. I’m taking these words as comfort to my weaknesses and my strengths: 

“For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little:” Isaiah 12:10

“That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.” D&C 50:24

  Here is a summary of my mornings, this last week.

Awake! Pray…

Go up and fill my stein with ice and water.

Sit down in a quiet room alone, with a nice chair and bright lights on. Set my alarm for 20 min. Study the Book of Mormon. After alarm goes off, finish chapter.

Find General Conference talk to listen to and press play. Set alarm for 5 min. Get down on floor and stretch legs and arms and back and mid section and neck with good breathing.

After 5, put on shoes and hop up and start walking on treadmill (yeah I know, not very tough, but man it’s cold outside) after timer on treadmill ticks 3-5 min crank it up to a jog or a run after 1-3-5 min (1min twice, 3 min twice, 5 min 3 times) slow it back down to a walk for another 3 min or so.

Water…taste…good…

  So again, by this time everyday it’s been about 8am or a little after and I have accomplished:

Prayer

Gospel Study

Exercise

2 glasses of water 

  I’m not really sure how to end a post. So I’m just gonna say this…
  This plan has already given me so many joyful rewards and blessings.
  My favorite so far is that Elliot (our baby boy) wakes up right around when I’ve finished each day, and my morning grogginess has almost met it’s match entirely by then. So we eat breakfast together with Mama, and talk and play a little before I leave for the day. 


  I love that boy, and his Mama.

Awake!

"Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken." Frank Herbert's, Dune (Duke Leto Atreides)


  GOALS

“Cease to be idle; cease to be unclean; cease to find fault one with another; cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated” (D&C 88:124)
  Retire Early - Arise Early
  10:30pm - 5:30am

  "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)
  "Study the gospel of Jesus Christ in the morning, to begin your day." (personal revelation given to me for me)
  "...seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith." (D&C 109:7)
  "Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.
  And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.
  And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things." (Moroni 10:3-5)
  1 hour of Gospel Study everyday
  5:45am - 6:45am

  “Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.” (1 Corinthians 3:16-17)
  "And the spirit and the body are the soul of man." (D&C 88:15)
  "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
  And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth..." (Genesis 1:27-28)                                                

  Exercise Daily

  7:00am – 7:30am

  "Do you know that it is your privilege so to live that your minds may all the time be perfectly within your control? Study to preserve your bodies in life and health, and you will be able to control your minds." (Brigham Young, Discourses of Brigham Young, p. 190)
  "And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health to their naval and marrow to their bones; And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures. And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint. And I, the Lord, ...promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them,... & not slay them." (D&C 89:18-21)
  Healthy Nutrition
   (still in the works) until further notice:
  2 good meals everyday
  5 glasses of water everyday

 
  There it is. These are my goals (and personal commandments given to me) to awake my mind and body and to live on "my" path to have joy and to fill the measure of my creation. With healthy portions of the following added into all my days...
   Work-Serve-Smile-Forgive-Love-Enjoy